LTBH: COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS

02: Understanding Cognitive Dissonance

LTBH: COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS Understanding Cognitive Dissonance Healing is about realising wholeness, unity and integrity. True happiness, and lasting contentment depend

12: The Illusion of Ownership

LTBH: COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS Labelling: the Illusion of Ownership Ownership is a concept, and possession, is a relationship.  When I think,

13: The Illusion of Relationship

LTBH: COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS Labelling: the Illusion of Relationship I started the lesson by saying “ownership is a concept, and possession,

14: How We Filter Information

LTBH: COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS Understanding Cognitive Bias Do you think our anecdotal recollections of an experience are accurate?  Why do people

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LTBH: THE FOUNDATIONS My Account [pmpro_levels] Relection: What Am I Attached To? Get out your notepad. Name several things you

Labelling: the Illusion of Ownership

Ownership is a concept, and possession, is a relationship. 

When I think, I own this, I relate to it as mine. When I think, you own that, I relate to it as yours. 

But can we really own something? What exactly would that mean?

Since ownership is a concept, we know it’s imagined. We know it’s something we can’t observe with our senses. 

No one can see which car on the street is yours just by looking at it, because it has no real connection to you. The connection between you and your possessions is in your mind.

At best, the concept of ownership serves a practical purpose. When everyone agrees to it, things are where we left them for us to use tomorrow. Life would be very challenging if the things we needed were never where we left them, but beyond the comfort and convenience that this brings, what benefit is there to thinking something’s truly yours? 

Does believing something’s yours ensure it won’t go missing? No. 

Does believing something’s yours ensure it won’t get broken? No. 

Does believing something’s yours prevent other people from taking it? No. 

Does believing something’s yours make it more enjoyable? No. 

We enjoy things only in proportion to our appreciation, which is a function of our mind. We can appreciate anything, whether it is ‘ours’ or not. I can appreciate the beauty of cars on the street without ‘owning’ them.

When we relate to objects with a sense of ownership or possessiveness we’re more likely to view them as making us happy, and with this attachment comes a craving for more, and the fear of loss.

When you relate to things as an extension of yourself, you’re more likely to take what happens to them personally. 

For example, you’re more likely to feel hurt or violated when your possessions are broken or stolen if you are attached to them. 

When you think of possessions as an extension of yourself, you may feel like someone breaking into your car, is something they have done to you. They’ve done nothing to you. It is just a car. 

How often have we thought, ‘why is this happening to me‘, when in truth it isn’t happening to us. It is simply happening.

Or take this example. How would you feel if a stranger told you that they lost their ring? 

How would you feel if you lost your ring? 

It’s likely that we wouldn’t feel so much about the other persons ring, and that we’d be upset over losing our own ring. But practically speaking, it amounts to the same thing: the physical location of an inanimate, and practically useless object. If the ring has no practical function at all, what difference could it make to your mental or emotional well-being? 

Well, your possessions only have, the meaning and power you give them. So I ask again, what benefit is there to identifying with your possessions, with making them an extension of yourself? 

You want to ask yourself, does the way I relate to my possessions make me feel better or worse? Does the way I relate to the possessions of others, make me feel better or worse? 

For example, am I able to appreciate and enjoy other peoples things, or does it bring a sense of wanting, longing or envy? Can you learn how to appreciate everything regardless of who it belongs to?

Yet another thing for us to consider, is the well-known experience of becoming desensitised to the things we see every day. 

Most people have experienced the thrill and excitement of buying something new, like a car, phone or computer, but after a few weeks, or maybe months, we pay less and less attention to these wonderful things. We start living our day to day life in such an automatic manner that the beautiful things all around us rarely make more than a moments impression. 

This can also happen when people live in beautiful environments, say by the ocean or in the mountains. It’s not as if the phone or the environment are less beautiful, less impressive or less enjoyable than before, only that we’re paying less attention to them and relating to them in a different way. 

We are no longer relating to them as extraordinary, but ordinary, and that is why they lose their power to incite that joy in us. 

It’s possible, that if you were to spend a few minutes every day appreciating the beauty of someone else’s house or car, that you would be deriving more joy from it than the owners. We have no reason to believe the owners are happier than we are, because happiness doesn’t come from money or possessions, but from appreciation. 

Remember, the mind is a machine of habit and familiarity. Tomorrow’s contentment depends on today’s contentment. We must train our brains with mindfulness, and meditation in order to be capable of sustaining a sense of joy and satisfaction. 

The person who’s well-trained in the Art of Appreciation is the happiest of all, and knowing that their joy is coming from inside them, they learn to see as much beauty in a tiny old home, as they might see in a mansion.

The long story, is you don’t need to think possession is an objective reality, in order to appreciate and enjoy the things around you.

You want to be happy, so you need to ask yourself, does the way I’m relating to my possessions make me happy? Does it make me resilient, or does it make me vulnerable to feeling hurt? Is there a better way of relating to them?

I’m certainly not saying that you should give everything away, nor am I saying that you shouldn’t buy anything. 

You just want to remember that, ownership cannot be observed, it cannot be measured, and so believing firmly in the sense of ownership, as if it were a fact, is a delusion. 

On a practical level, we can keep referring to things as our possessions, but emotionally, it’s better to relate to them as just things. 

Firstly, make a habit of relating to your possessions as something independent of yourself, that we you merely borrowing. This attitude will foster more appreciation, more gratitude, more generosity, and minimise the feelings of worry or loss that come from taking pride in, or depending on material things to make us happy.

Think about a time that a possession you valued was lost, broken or stolen. Can you see how viewing the object as mine, is what caused you to take it personally? Can you imagine having a neutral or even positive reaction to losing your possessions?

I want you to practice relating to all things, as just things. Consider everything as having its own independent existence, entirely separate from you.

Going forward, try relating to possessions, the way you would relate to flowers in a field. They are something to be valued and appreciated, but not possessed.

Notice when the sense of ownership and entitlement arises, and see how it really feels, recall what you have read, and practice letting go of that possessiveness. Practice letting things, be things.

The next time you feel anxious about losing something, or hurt when something’s lost, pause, breathe slowly, breathe deeply. Bring attention to your body. Consciously slow down, and consciously relax. 

Remind yourself: nothing’s happening to me, I am not my possessions.

  • Ownership is a concept. It is indicated by the labels, mine, yours and theirs.
  • No one can tell what car on the street is yours just by looking at it, because it has no real connection to you.
  • The connection you feel to your possessions is in your mind. They are not really yours: that is just a thought.
  • Does the thought, this is mine, function well to make you happy? Or does it set you up for feeling bad?
  • It’s healthier to relate to your possessions as merely borrowed, as this helps you cultivate appreciation, and gratitude, without the dangers of entitlement and anxieties of loss.